✖ BROKE MY ARM ➪ GOT A BIKE ✖ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
viciouscycles) wrote2014-11-22 10:24 pm
viciouscycles) wrote2014-11-22 10:24 pmEntry tags:
→ HAVEN MAILBOX
❝It's Arakita. I'm not here. Leave a message.❞
[Beep!]
[Beep!]
viciouscycles) wrote2014-11-22 10:24 pm
bury me honestly
He opens his mouth, and closes it again into a forced scowl. A harsh criticism, an expected frustrated response, doesn't come out.
Why was she telling him, a stranger who was completely useless at open emotional honesty unless it came in the form of layering it with curse words and unspoken mutual understanding on what he actually meant under those layers?
He wishes he knew, if only because if there's anything Yasutomo Arakita hates, it's feeling completely useless in a situation. He knows he's already fucking this up monumentally and she's become fucked up monumentally because of fucked up people and fucked up situations long before he started talking. He knows he can't fix either of those things, nor is he certain enough that he could to try immediately.
She's fucked up, this is fucked up, her story is more than fucked up, but he sees a bit of himself in her- even if she's whiny and way too prone to crying and awkward and annoyingly pitiful, he knows that, if not for Fukutomi's intervention and consequently showing him a better path, he would still think like her. That because of who he was, he should have expected the rejection and hatred she constantly fears to happen to him- that he was ultimately hopeless when it came down to it, and that there was no way to change or avoid inevitable reality.
There's a world of difference between the two of them and how they expressed that, as well as the severity of their pasts, but the bottom line is the same and that's what drives him to talk again.]
...Life here fucking sucks. Nobody's living the way they want to be living here. But giving up on life entirely just because you're dead back home is idiotic. It's a shitty second chance you're getting here, but it's still a second chance. It's better than giving up and dying.
[A nasty thought enters his head- he says this, but if his team was in danger back home and he was told he would inevitably and unavoidably die back there too, would his will stand up then?]
...Hey, you said there are people here who are nice to you. [He still doesn't consider himself one of them.] So care about those people. If the only reason you were happy living back then was because of your friends, then that's a reason to want to live here. It's a fucking weak reason and you should find another one, but start with that. [He clicks his tongue.] And stop thinking everyone hates you for stupid reasons. Most people's priorities aren't that messed up.
[He pauses, but not long enough for her to start on another rant, or to start crying again.]
Why are you telling me all of this? [Because he cannot, for the life of him, imagine why she would tell him.]
THIS IS SO ANIME BURY ME TOO
but, she feels like that regardless of how much people know about her.
it's a relief, but she reminds herself he still doesn't know about the part where she kills some people too. no biggie. she's told him enough anyway. though it feels sort of like she's playing devil's advocate, she'll tell him one day, when she herself can accept it, probably. Probably. ]
My life here is something I'm grateful for. S-Sometimes, it's hard for everyone, and those are the times I don't think I can go on... It's hard for someone like me to take it. After all, I'm a weakling! [ she takes a deep breath. COOL IT, MIKAN. we can't scare this guy off.
anyway.
it's her turn to listen, and that's what she does. stop thinking everyone hates her, though? come on, that's like asking her to stop breathing!
nonetheless, she miraculously manages to retain her smile throughout all of this, even if it may have faltered a bit. ]
Fr-Friends... as well... A-Arakita-san? [ what's grammar? what's speaking without stuttering? what's making friends?! she's blushing so ferociously you can pretty much hear it in her voice. ] You said... to c-care about those who are nice to me! In that case, I care about you! [ she wheezes it out and i'm wheezing too ]
it's not anime enough here's some tsundere
Even if she was a virtual stranger, he could accept being satisfied with her wanting to live instead of losing the will to. He could admit to himself that he cared about her on that level.
But now, after she sputters out a declaration about him, well, now he almost wishes she was still talking about what she was before, because no matter how little he knew about how to deal with that, he was still vastly more knowledgeable on how to react and process it instead of what she just said now.
It may go without saying that not many people (girls especially) approach him often, and even less with any sort of positive intention- he's not used to being told someone likes him, or cares about him, outside of that someone being within his team. Especially in such an earnest, fumbling, clearly blushing sort of way.
So Mikan isn't the only one turning pink here, even if Arakita does (tries) much more to cover it up.]
I'm not being nice, moron. I'm telling you crap you should already know.
[Maybe it is a sign of his growth that he doesn't say "so you shouldn't care about me", but he leaves his words hanging awkwardly in the air for the moment. More tellingly, his next words are mumbled.]
...Call me whatever you want, I don't care. ["Friends" or "someone to care about"- it's his way of saying that she can care.]