[He doesn't have a lot to bring to the table- he doesn't doubt his skills where they lie, but he can't imagine them being a fair trade for complete protection. He knows his personality isn't going to win him any favors either. In simpler terms, he doesn't have much value to other people here, so he'll compensate by doing the best for himself- by pushing himself forward, because that's where his personal value was back home.
...Even if it is lonely, which isn't something he's willing to acknowledge yet.
Sadly, this isn't the forced honesty week, and none of this comes out. He's repeatedly shooting himself in the foot here- and on some level recognizing it- but man if the instinctual reflex to protect himself from rejection (that he managed to move away from with the stable friendship of his team) isn't a tempting thing to fall back on.]
Of course I understand, moron! Don't talk down to me like I'm some kind of fucking idiot!
[It's not as snappish as it could be- whether he verbally admits it or not, he does recognize that Kakyoin does care. a little bit.
He scoffs to a less angry state.]
Like most people here are gonna go out of their way to make a dumb [(unequal)] trade like that. It's a fucking hell hole here, and not everyone's naive [(noble)] like you. Most people will do what they need to get ahead, especially when things are this bad, and they're not gonna stick out their neck for some stranger just 'cause they're living and breathing.
[Translation: I really, really suck at approaching people for the specific purpose of making friends.]
I'm still surviving now, idiot. That's not gonna change. I'm fine.
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voice.
Date: 2015-03-21 07:25 am (UTC)...Even if it is lonely, which isn't something he's willing to acknowledge yet.
Sadly, this isn't the forced honesty week, and none of this comes out. He's repeatedly shooting himself in the foot here- and on some level recognizing it- but man if the instinctual reflex to protect himself from rejection (that he managed to move away from with the stable friendship of his team) isn't a tempting thing to fall back on.]
Of course I understand, moron! Don't talk down to me like I'm some kind of fucking idiot!
[It's not as snappish as it could be- whether he verbally admits it or not, he does recognize that Kakyoin does care. a little bit.
He scoffs to a less angry state.]
Like most people here are gonna go out of their way to make a dumb [(unequal)] trade like that. It's a fucking hell hole here, and not everyone's naive [(noble)] like you. Most people will do what they need to get ahead, especially when things are this bad, and they're not gonna stick out their neck for some stranger just 'cause they're living and breathing.
[Translation: I really, really suck at approaching people for the specific purpose of making friends.]
I'm still surviving now, idiot. That's not gonna change. I'm fine.