[For all his aggressive bluster and opinions on just about everything, Arakita knows there is a time and a place to be quiet and actually listen to people. He's learned that by now. So he is (probably surprisingly, for her) completely quiet as she recounts her story- her fucked up, objectively painful to listen to life story.
He opens his mouth, and closes it again into a forced scowl. A harsh criticism, an expected frustrated response, doesn't come out.
Why was she telling him, a stranger who was completely useless at open emotional honesty unless it came in the form of layering it with curse words and unspoken mutual understanding on what he actually meant under those layers?
He wishes he knew, if only because if there's anything Yasutomo Arakita hates, it's feeling completely useless in a situation. He knows he's already fucking this up monumentally and she's become fucked up monumentally because of fucked up people and fucked up situations long before he started talking. He knows he can't fix either of those things, nor is he certain enough that he could to try immediately.
She's fucked up, this is fucked up, her story is more than fucked up, but he sees a bit of himself in her- even if she's whiny and way too prone to crying and awkward and annoyingly pitiful, he knows that, if not for Fukutomi's intervention and consequently showing him a better path, he would still think like her. That because of who he was, he should have expected the rejection and hatred she constantly fears to happen to him- that he was ultimately hopeless when it came down to it, and that there was no way to change or avoid inevitable reality.
There's a world of difference between the two of them and how they expressed that, as well as the severity of their pasts, but the bottom line is the same and that's what drives him to talk again.]
...Life here fucking sucks. Nobody's living the way they want to be living here. But giving up on life entirely just because you're dead back home is idiotic. It's a shitty second chance you're getting here, but it's still a second chance. It's better than giving up and dying.
[A nasty thought enters his head- he says this, but if his team was in danger back home and he was told he would inevitably and unavoidably die back there too, would his will stand up then?]
...Hey, you said there are people here who are nice to you. [He still doesn't consider himself one of them.] So care about those people. If the only reason you were happy living back then was because of your friends, then that's a reason to want to live here. It's a fucking weak reason and you should find another one, but start with that. [He clicks his tongue.] And stop thinking everyone hates you for stupid reasons. Most people's priorities aren't that messed up.
[He pauses, but not long enough for her to start on another rant, or to start crying again.]
Why are you telling me all of this? [Because he cannot, for the life of him, imagine why she would tell him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bury me honestly
Date: 2015-01-11 08:29 pm (UTC)He opens his mouth, and closes it again into a forced scowl. A harsh criticism, an expected frustrated response, doesn't come out.
Why was she telling him, a stranger who was completely useless at open emotional honesty unless it came in the form of layering it with curse words and unspoken mutual understanding on what he actually meant under those layers?
He wishes he knew, if only because if there's anything Yasutomo Arakita hates, it's feeling completely useless in a situation. He knows he's already fucking this up monumentally and she's become fucked up monumentally because of fucked up people and fucked up situations long before he started talking. He knows he can't fix either of those things, nor is he certain enough that he could to try immediately.
She's fucked up, this is fucked up, her story is more than fucked up, but he sees a bit of himself in her- even if she's whiny and way too prone to crying and awkward and annoyingly pitiful, he knows that, if not for Fukutomi's intervention and consequently showing him a better path, he would still think like her. That because of who he was, he should have expected the rejection and hatred she constantly fears to happen to him- that he was ultimately hopeless when it came down to it, and that there was no way to change or avoid inevitable reality.
There's a world of difference between the two of them and how they expressed that, as well as the severity of their pasts, but the bottom line is the same and that's what drives him to talk again.]
...Life here fucking sucks. Nobody's living the way they want to be living here. But giving up on life entirely just because you're dead back home is idiotic. It's a shitty second chance you're getting here, but it's still a second chance. It's better than giving up and dying.
[A nasty thought enters his head- he says this, but if his team was in danger back home and he was told he would inevitably and unavoidably die back there too, would his will stand up then?]
...Hey, you said there are people here who are nice to you. [He still doesn't consider himself one of them.] So care about those people. If the only reason you were happy living back then was because of your friends, then that's a reason to want to live here. It's a fucking weak reason and you should find another one, but start with that. [He clicks his tongue.] And stop thinking everyone hates you for stupid reasons. Most people's priorities aren't that messed up.
[He pauses, but not long enough for her to start on another rant, or to start crying again.]
Why are you telling me all of this? [Because he cannot, for the life of him, imagine why she would tell him.]